But I’ll live.

Back in Christchurch. Trying to think the next few days will be ok. Sorting my shit is a fucking nightmare.

I want chocolate but I think someone stole my fucking two blocks of galaxy that my mum sent me =(

dontwanttobeanorexic:

It’s finally here!

My Recovery Giveaway!

I know I’ve been promising this for ages and it might be a bit of anticlimax but I can’t afford a really extravagant giveaway so I hope y’all appreciate my intentions :-)

In the box:
- Cocoa butter cream, for fading self-harm scars.
- A butterfly tattoo, to use in a similar way to The Butterfly Project.
- A non-metal hair elastic. When I was in hospital, I would use this in place of cutting by snapping the band against my skin - it gave some release without actually harming myself.
- Nail dip usually used to prevent nail biting, but it’s incredibly useful for stopping purging if you use it.
- A teddy, just for comfort.
- A de-stress facemask.
- A set of bath bombs, to treat yourself and give yourself a pampering.
- A small canvas to paint on when you’re in need of distraction.
- (Not pictured) A set of dot stickers, similar to the ones I use, that you stick around the house and when you see an item with a sticker, you pay yourself a compliment until it becomes a natural habit.

I’ve tried to make the tool kit unisex :-)

I know this isn’t anything cool like an iPhone or some cool clothes, but these things and the techniques you can learn from them really helped me in recovery and I hope they can do the same for you. These items aren’t expensive, and they’re available probably wherever you are, so if you don’t win, but you can see how these items would help you, I urge you to buy a similar recovery tool kit :-)

In order to be entered, just reblog and you can reblog as many times as you like to up your chances because I’llbe picking via a draw. It’d be nice if you follow me, because if you’re in recovery and wanting to win this, I think my blog could help you, but it’s not a necessity :-)

dontwanttobeanorexic:

It’s finally here!

My Recovery Giveaway!

I know I’ve been promising this for ages and it might be a bit of anticlimax but I can’t afford a really extravagant giveaway so I hope y’all appreciate my intentions :-)

In the box:
- Cocoa butter cream, for fading self-harm scars.
- A butterfly tattoo, to use in a similar way to The Butterfly Project.
- A non-metal hair elastic. When I was in hospital, I would use this in place of cutting by snapping the band against my skin - it gave some release without actually harming myself.
- Nail dip usually used to prevent nail biting, but it’s incredibly useful for stopping purging if you use it.
- A teddy, just for comfort.
- A de-stress facemask.
- A set of bath bombs, to treat yourself and give yourself a pampering.
- A small canvas to paint on when you’re in need of distraction.
- (Not pictured) A set of dot stickers, similar to the ones I use, that you stick around the house and when you see an item with a sticker, you pay yourself a compliment until it becomes a natural habit.

I’ve tried to make the tool kit unisex :-)

I know this isn’t anything cool like an iPhone or some cool clothes, but these things and the techniques you can learn from them really helped me in recovery and I hope they can do the same for you. These items aren’t expensive, and they’re available probably wherever you are, so if you don’t win, but you can see how these items would help you, I urge you to buy a similar recovery tool kit :-)

In order to be entered, just reblog and you can reblog as many times as you like to up your chances because I’llbe picking via a draw. It’d be nice if you follow me, because if you’re in recovery and wanting to win this, I think my blog could help you, but it’s not a necessity :-)

dontwanttobeanorexic:

It’s finally here!

My Recovery Giveaway!

I know I’ve been promising this for ages and it might be a bit of anticlimax but I can’t afford a really extravagant giveaway so I hope y’all appreciate my intentions :-)

In the box:
- Cocoa butter cream, for fading self-harm scars.
- A butterfly tattoo, to use in a similar way to The Butterfly Project.
- A non-metal hair elastic. When I was in hospital, I would use this in place of cutting by snapping the band against my skin - it gave some release without actually harming myself.
- Nail dip usually used to prevent nail biting, but it’s incredibly useful for stopping purging if you use it.
- A teddy, just for comfort.
- A de-stress facemask.
- A set of bath bombs, to treat yourself and give yourself a pampering.
- A small canvas to paint on when you’re in need of distraction.
- (Not pictured) A set of dot stickers, similar to the ones I use, that you stick around the house and when you see an item with a sticker, you pay yourself a compliment until it becomes a natural habit.

I’ve tried to make the tool kit unisex :-)

I know this isn’t anything cool like an iPhone or some cool clothes, but these things and the techniques you can learn from them really helped me in recovery and I hope they can do the same for you. These items aren’t expensive, and they’re available probably wherever you are, so if you don’t win, but you can see how these items would help you, I urge you to buy a similar recovery tool kit :-)

In order to be entered, just reblog and you can reblog as many times as you like to up your chances because I’llbe picking via a draw. It’d be nice if you follow me, because if you’re in recovery and wanting to win this, I think my blog could help you, but it’s not a necessity :-)

In the last 3 weeks, I’ve missed my tablets ONCE =)

connect, disconnect, limited acitivity, cannot connect, connect, disconnect.

Did my little picnic dinner thing, with minimal struggle or upset. Came back to the hostel and chilled. Watched TV, read my book and chatted in the living room.

Now in bed. When I bought my internet the minimum amount was 250mb, so I am determined to use it up before I go. Am thinking I’ll upload my facebook photo’s at my friends house - but now I’ll put some time into stocking up the positivity in recovery queue :)

Had a couple of internet free days - just mooching around, walking lots and lots of walking and visiting art gallery’s and museums and stuff.

I finally had nice weather today, was a beautiful drive on the way up which I thoroughly enjoyed. The man who owns this backpacker took me out on his motorbike for a bit which was pretty awesome. Then I got back, walked into town and bought a bracelet to add to my collection which now stands at 12. 3 on one side 9 on the other! I didn’t manage to get a bracelet from te anau, wanaka, invercargill or oamaru.

Anyway, after that I came back to the hostel and jumped in the shower and bought my internet voucher which I am now happily using!!

Because it’s nice weather I plan to jump in the car and drive to the nearest beach which is about a 10 minute drive with my dinner. Basically a picnic style thing to use up some of the things I have in my food bag to get rid of some weight that I am going to have to carry. It’ll probably consist of tuna sandwich, cheese and crackers, cookies and apple. Yum.

I need to upload my facebook photo’s too.

Back to Christchurch tomorrow. Kind of feel like I’m returning home in a way. I’ve been culling stuff as I’ve been going along. I have a big bag of clothes to offer to my old flatmates and then take to the clothes bank. Very sad to see some lovely stuff go but I JUST don’t have the space for it! I’ve also got rid of jewellery to the charity shops and posted home my dissertation data which cost me like $25. Got a quote for my other parcel, looking at about $130 =( Ouch. Needs to be posted though… Need to have a cull/clear out once I’m back in Christchurch staying with my friend. Also need to sort my itenary out for my bus tour in the North Island. I’ve been through my lonely planet book and marked off the optional stops that I want to spend some time at so it shouldn’t be too difficult to sort.

Back to Christchurch tomorrow, Sunday I’ll spend sorting stuff - maybe catching up with people or just coma’d out on the sofa. Monday is a national holiday, I was planning to go into work and visit but everyone is off cos of the Queens birthday - and then I have to catch my bus at 7am on Tuesday morning to Picton, then catch the Ferry at around 6pm, arriving in the North Island (Wellington) for a couple of nights before I go on the bus tour.

Now, to go and see what time the sun goes down!

Just came across this again, forgot I even wrote it. Pretty sure I have another post on there somewhere about being a bully - may need to dig that one out to serve as a reminder for myself…

stophatingyourbody:

Thank you eyes, for although you may require extra help, you allow me to see all the beauty in the world, and also the tragedy in order to allow me to appreciate what I have. Thank you for allowing me to see the written world, expanding my mind and loosing myself for hours in the lives of others.  Thank you for you unique colour, the half hazel, half brown with a hint of amber.  Thank you eyes.

Thank You nose, for even though I once despised you for your profile, you have allowed me to smell the wonders of the world, fresh flowers, cut grass, bread in the oven and everything else. You help me to breathe, deeply and fully, taking in the air and keeping me alive. You’ve allowed me to associate smells with memories, the perfume of my granny, my grampys hat. Thank you nose.

Thank You skin, for the sprinkling of freckles that I was once ashamed of, for they make me unique, you hold me together, you allow me to have ink injected, in order for me to remember ‘don’t die wondering’ and give rememberance to my grandparents. You’ve taken my self harm, you’ve suffered bouts of eczema from stress and countless careless sun burn, and I appreciate that. Thank you for saving me from the teenage trouble of spots and achne, and although I really don’t look after you,you don’t give me too much trouble. Thank you skin.

Thank you lips and mouth, you have allow me to form words, present myself, communicate and kiss. Although you have given me slightly unstraight teeth, you have allowed me to shape my words, my language and be part of this world. Thank you lips and mouth.

Thank you ears, for allowing me to take in the opinions of people around me, to listen carefully and accept others. Even though I required hearing aids to help you develop, and perforated your ear drum once, you have stuck by me, you have allowed needles to be passed through you in order for me to decorate myself, and I’m sorry about that time the piercing got infected. Thank you ears.

Thank you arms for giving me strength, although I am still coming to terms with the self-consciousness of musclar upper arms and defined biceps, they give me physical strength that I am proud of, I can swim well, I can lift in the gym as well as some of the men and I can protect myself from others. Thank you for enabling me to wear a watch, I am a time keeper and I could not function with out it. I apologise for the abuse you have also suffered due to my self harm. Thank you arms.

Thank you hands, for holding things, objects, other peoples hands. For allowing me to touch others, for working so well with my skin to give me the sensations that are so numerous throughout this world. I am able to hold you high when I am wrong, clap when others do well and hold myself when I need to. Thank you hands.

Thank you fingers, long, bony, for allowing me to point, to type, to pick things up. For allowing me to wear two of the most important objects I own, a ring for my 18th birthday from my mum and an old ring of my grannys. Even though I often munch upon your nails, I enjoy painting them and treating myself to a manicure, without you I couldn’t do that.Thank you fingers.

Thank you legs, for carrying me everywhere I need to go. For allowing me to run when it is imperative, for buses, from bullies and for enjoyment. Although you won’t tan no matter how hard I try, you have never failed me. You allow me to wear trousers, skirts and dresses, boots and shoes, to help me feel confident. Legs, you are my favourite part, especially when you can lift as many kg’s as the male rugby players on the horizontal leg press, you made me so proud that day! Thank you legs.

Thank you feet for bearing my weight every single day, I do not look after you and there are times when I have harmed you to. Without I would have struggled to walk during my deepest darkest times and be able to clear my mind. Again, you have been subjected to self harm, but you still allow me to dip you in the ocean and feel the sand around my toes. Thank You feet.

Thank you brain, for allowing me to have knowledge, to function and to have the capacity to learn, speak, move, hear, smell, touch, and everything else I am capable of. Thank you for enabling me to study the subjects I love, thank you for making me considerate, and kind. Thank You for dealing so well with the stress and anxiety and pressure I put upon you. Thank you for containing all my thoughts, the good and the bad. Even though your chemistry may contribute to the troubling times I have had, I forgive you brain, because you have made me a stronger person. Thank You brain.

Thank you body, for all this and more. Thank you for letting me be me. You are beautiful body, you are beautiful every single inch, why you ask? Because you are a miracle, and everyday miracle, common as the day turning to night, but so unique in every way. You are beautiful body, you are beautiful. Thank you body.

Thank you beautiful body, thank you.

—————————————-

I chose this photo because it was taken on a photoshoot makeover day that I was absolutely dreading, but ended up enjoying it so much. It was a huge and helpful step in my recovery. I felt happy, comfortable and confident.

It’s taken a long time to get to here, and although there are still times when self harm and an eating disorder seem like the right path, I am fighting, and winning. I am fighting to get my life back and I am fighting to love my body how I should. I’m learning to be greatful for what I have, some people don’t have the things I have mentioned for whatever reason, amputee’s, burns, scars, brain damage, anything. Next time you start beating yourself up about your body, step back, look at what you do have, and appreciate the good things and what your body actually does for you.

TakingBackMyStrength & Positivity-In-Recovery.

BE BRAVE! JOIN THE REVOLUTION!